It’s almost the end of September, how?? This morning as I scribbled the date and time down in my journal, I had to stop and flip back to the day before. Oh, okay. We’re in the LATE 20’s now.
I started a position at a new clinic last week. If you’re new here, I’ve been working in Hospital Administration on and off over the last 8 years, and part-time for the last two as my husband and I have been alternating working days to be at home with our daughter, Stella. I’ve been working at the hospital for TOO LONG if you ask me, and it’s not giving me enough. It hasn’t for a while and I have no desire to stay there much longer despite how much my mother and my colleagues remind me that it’s a ‘good job’ to have.
I’m grateful for the experience, the skills, having met the people, developing a valuable perspective on life, and of course how it has provided me the ability to pay my bills, blah blah blah, but I just don’t fuckin care anymore! I just gotta be so for real. I care about the money but I don’t want to do this shit. This is not for me. Why do I already feel like I’ll regret writing this, ugh, it’s the truth though. I know too much about kidneys and fecal transplants. I’ve seen open wounds, gotten to know patients right before they suddenly died, cried in the back while everyone so easily moved on, filed away too many charts, booked enough appointments and bitten my tongue whilst dealing with petty inter-office politics. Is it the most miserable place in the world?, no, but I’m not having any fun.
I’M JUST A GIRL!!!!
So while applying for various new positions outside of the medical admin field, I also applied to different parts of the hospital that could potentially offer me better working hours. Why? Well, likely because it’s comfortable which is a whole nother topic in itself. I returned to what’s holding me back out of fear and welp! I got one. Not to toot my own horn, but it’s no surprise. My experience here bodes quite well for me, while at the same time, hasn’t done me any favours when it comes to applying to roles I actually have an interest in outside of this field (so far, anyway, not giving up).
How I found myself surrounded by cat ladies as colleagues, I do not know. Now don’t start!! I mean this is the most non-offensive way ever, I don’t care if you have 1 cat, 3 cats, 7 cats, but I just cannot relate. And if you read between the lines here, it has little to nothing to do with actual cats. It’s a personality thing. It’s a mesh thing. Dare I say, it’s a VIBE THING.
I had a cat as a kid! I really wanted a dog, but my mom wouldn’t allow it so I settled for having a cat. Her name was Pebbles, and I loved her dearly. Did she violently attack me one day when I tried to get her off the balcony rail 22 stories high? Yes. Did I forgive her? Mostly. I’m just saying…I don’t necessarily trust cats, and I grew to become a dog person through and through but I still think some felines are very sweet. Some….
You telling me how you’ve dressed your cat up in your communion dress from when you were a baby? Okay… Oh, you like taking in strays and you’ve been putting out plates of wet food around your backyard to feed them all because you just can’t turn them away? Yeah…I think that’s friggin gross. I hated having to clean out the litter box. And cat pee smell never truly goes away.
I’m sorry that I keep thinking you’re talking about a human being, when indeed you’re referring to an animal. I’m going to keep smiling, nodding and saying the odd, “oh wow, that’s crazy..”, while you keep telling me everything because everyone tells me everything (I’m a muteable fire sign with amazing charisma), but I am indeed not fully dialled into this convo babe. It’s just not my bag, sorry not sorry. Is there something…else we can talk about?
But the thing is see, I’m also not volunteering anything about myself to the ‘conversation’, not that I’ve been asked, which is by choice so I just sit there and endure. It’s still new, I’m still scoping out the scene, feeling it all out. All cats aside, the work itself is not rewarding for me. I can already tell, who am I kidding? I don’t know what I’m doing there. I can do the work, sure, but what am I being called to here? What is my bigger purpose here? Does that make sense?
It feels good to have professional skillsets that allow me to shine via being efficient, reliable, and a great collaborator but there’s no creative aspect nor is there even a social space for me to lean into.
It sounds bad, and yeah, I’m projecting but I suppose what I really am is disappointed. In it, in myself. I accepted the position, as I hadn’t heard back from anywhere else, I hoped (and am still…) for the best, and maybe just maybe was thinking I might take this on for now and perhaps meet a girls girl, another writer, a fabulous gay, or just a cool ass person who gets it. IYKYK. I know the large collective view tends to be that work is work, and personal life is personal, but I value my time and having to spend several hours a week with the same people? I want to enjoy some of it. After all, I have met some of the best people I know and am still close friends with through work.
Who knows? Maybe they were hoping for another cat lady, and not a mom who references Broad City and reapplies her lip gloss every hour. It would totally be valid.
Apart from a rocky start in a new environment, I’ve been in my little world, singing love songs to myself in the car, reading the same Dr.Seuss books to the kids at bedtime, waking up before 5, journalling, working out and reading before cuddles and making buttery chocolate chip waffles for the kid’s breakfast.
I’ve cut out having a third coffee in the afternoon, I’ve been staying in a calorie deficit consistently and I’ve upped my dumbbell press weight. These are big wins for me. Lunges have been the one move that I find difficult, but instead of avoiding them, I quite like the challenge. Today I’m happy to report that both of my legs along with accompanying ass cheeks are sore as a result of doing 4 sets per side yesterday and I’m buzzing about it.
I’m feeling more inspired to make video content for TikTok and *maybe* Instagram, but I’m not putting too much pressure on myself to do so. The more I take initiative over the tiny little things I can control, the more I trust myself and feel confident in knowing that the things I can’t control will work out for me.
I finally did my nails, a gorgeous dark brownie wine shade and I have a haircut appointment booked next month that I know will have me feeling fresh. I’m still undecided on whether I want to just keep it simple with long layers, or go a bit shaggy. I’ll probably end up deciding when I sit down in the chair. NO bangs though. I’ve finally grown them out to a length where they can tuck behind the ear again and I’m not going back. Until I want them again, of course, which I inevitably will.
3 Things!
I kinda love including 3 things I’ve been consuming/loving/doing at the end of my posts? HBU?
Marty Miller & Missy Mcintosh - COFFEE COFFEE, DINGLE DINGLE. When I tell you that this duo has had me in a chokehold since I first started seeing their content come up on my feed, I’m serious. The broken English, the phrases, the accents, the affirmations. It’s all up my alley and I may just have to make this my morning alarm.
Tiktok failed to load.
Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browserRimmel London’s Lasting Finish Lip Liner in ‘Cappucino’. If you so happen to be a lip liner lover, and perhaps even a cool-tone lip liner lover - this is a great one. It’s supposedly a dupe for Make Up Forever’s ‘Endless Cacao’, whose liners I have tried, though not that specific shade and they are great quality. This shade is great for contouring the lips, and goes great with even just a simple clear gloss. I personally like to line the centre of my bottom lip before lightly lining the rest of my mouth and then blending it in with my finger. It softens the harsh lines and makes you look like you have a fuller pout. Also, it’s $5 on Amazon.
Everything ALMOND, but not almond milk. Okay, so I’m not sure how it began but almond cookies, almond biscuits, almond croissants. They’ve all been following me, and they have all been delicious. Is it the fall? Are almonds competing with pumpkin? The cherry on top was the most incredible desert I had the pleasure of sharing with a good friend at dinner last week - Bar Vendetta. It was like a Torta kind of cake, but with a creamier consistency and sliced almonds on top. We paired it with a peanut butter gelato, AND I had taken an edible an hour before? OMGGGGG. We were silent. SILENT because all we wanted to do was savour every single CRUMB AND DROP. It was that damn good.
What have you been taking in this month that hits the autumn notes for you?
Have you been sticking to a routine or have you implemented anything new this season?
Do you care for the fall-themed baked goods? I’ve been seeing a few delicious recipes on Substack lately and I may just challenge myself to make something with the kids.
Thank you for coming to my tiny little slice of the internet. I appreciate you so much and I know you can do BIG things.
If you like reading Extra Foam, please drop me a comment and hit that little heart for me. Every new subscriber makes my heart dance, so let’s dance!
*Next week, I’ll be going over weeks 3 & 4 of The Artist’s Way if you’re interested in following along. Lots to unpack! I’m looking forward to sharing ;)
Talk soon!
kisses
I love your writing. That’s all ❤️💘💕💘❤️
I made some mini apple cider donuts with my little one last weekend (and this is not my usual aesthetic. I’ve got a very anxious cook with kid type vibe going on over here) and it went pretty well.
Damn nothing can stop this gal and her collages!! I’ve also stopped drinking more than two coffees and unfortunately I think it’s for the better!