A.S.M. Are You For Real?

Do you double shampoo? Baby Botox convert, and I love this sleepless time of my kid's lives

“You have something in that little box of yours that could help me?, my back hurts..”

I purse my lips, holding my hand up to my mouth, pointer finger to thumb, showcasing the instantly recognizable sign for, ‘I wanna smoke some weed man’.

My husband looks at me, perplexed but smiling. I haven’t smoked with him in months, let alone ask for a joint to help me with, well, anything. Whether it be for anxiety, to relax a bit, or period cramps. I’m convinced that I’ve been sleeping heavily in fetal position as of late with my head propped up a touch too high on a pillow I don’t favor, but had given up to one of the kids. Just standing still in the shower as I waited for my hair mask to sink in, water hitting the back of my legs, I could feel a pinch of pain in my lower back. Am I STANDING wrong?

I can already feel that the Botox I got a few days prior has started to kick in. As I take my first drag, I notice the touch of weight that can be felt when I raise my eyebrows that wasn’t there before. After having my first experience with Dysport (simply another form/name of Neurotoxin), a few months ago, the jury is still out on whether I feel Botox is something I absolutely must have every 3-6 months. I really feel that good skincare, microneedling, SPF, and of course my past use of Accutane and a decent diet (hate that word), have really helped my skin to look and feel good. BUT….I gotta say. I do like what it does for me. I like it a lot. My skin is smoother, makeup goes on just a little bit better, and slick back buns just go great with a shiny forehead, I can’t lie haha. Having access to it whilst working at an aesthetic clinic is a privilege and sort of tricky?, for sure, but I’ll have to elaborate on that another day.

I sit on the small stool in the bathroom with the window open beside me. Earlier, the block smelt like street meat, mainly pepperoni, or something cured and spiced. It made me crave a slice of pizza, but there aren’t any amazing places close to our apartment. My nails, long again since returning to UV gel, tap against the top of the vanity. I love the sound. If there’s anything I love more than actually having long nails again, it’s the sound I get to make while tapping on various objects with them. I love beauty ASMR videos, Jocie B being one of my favourite creators. If you’re into it as well, this one always relaxes me and gets me to sleep ;)

Grey washed smoke swirls dance in front of me as I glance at the sink area I had just been in front of but had not paid much attention to. Both sides cluttered with various skincare and hair products. I make yet another mental note that I need to find a better way to organize it all.

My hair smells amazing and looks pretty good too. It was wash night which meant blow-dry night as well. As usual, I double shampooed, starting with Ouai’s Detox Shampoo which by the way - SHAMPOOING TWICE? - This has been one of the best things I started doing for my scalp last year. Hair oiling is great as well, less heat, supplements of course BUT having had seborrheic dermatitis on and off since having my kids, including intense flare-ups of scaly, dry (not itchy) patches during season changes, double cleansing my scalp and using this - (YES it’s from Head & Shoulders, I still can’t believe it) shampoo as my second cleanse, has changed the game for me. I use dry shampoos, texture spray, oils. All of that needs to come out eventually honey, and one shampoo isn’t cutting it. Not all sulphates are bad y’all! This is what made the real difference.

I focus on just cleaning the scalp, little massage at the sides, the top, then the back, using the tips of my fingers, letting the excess clean the ends as it gets rinsed out. You’ll know it was needed when you can feel how much more sudsy/foamy your second shampoo is. The first round is to remove buildup, products, oils, etc. The second round is actually to lather and clean your scalp. Follow this with a moisturizing hair mask and/or deep conditioner of your choice, focusing it on the mids to ends? Yeah. Thank me later. (Do not double shampoo every day btw)

As I reach the middle of the spliff, I realize I’ve been smoking it way too fast. Also, I am not going to smoke this whole thing. Also ALSO, I don’t like the taste this leaves in my mouth. Again, unable to take my time with this because I’m already thinking about what I need to accomplish next when really, the only thing I need to do is take my ass to bed. Stella hasn’t been sleeping great, a surprise to no one. Hudson is still waking up and leaving his bed to get into our bed. She’s teething, she’s growing and has an insatiable appetite. He’s needy and loves touch. One of us gets up at least 2-3 times a night to give one of them a bottle or a cuddle. After 5 years of being woken up at all times of the night, it would seem probable that I’d be sick and tired of it, but as I’ve witnessed our son growing into a little boy in front of our eyes, and Stella suddenly not fitting into her car seat the way she once did? I really and truly have no complaints.

I LOVE this time. I love this time so much. I love being the smile my son sees when he notices me at the school gate. I love when my daughter sits on my lap and names each part of her face with a toothy grin so scintillating that my heart softens and widens in an effort to join her. I love mixing and adding chocolate chunks to flour, water, milk and salt to make 5 waffles one by one while panicking about having a proper lunch packed before we need to leave. I love little toes, and sounding out the letters of the alphabet. I love the admission of burps and farts and little “ay yi yi’s”. I love LAUGHTER. ALL THE LAUGHTER. I love story time, good night kisses and good morning hugs. I love witnessing the amazement of bubbles, and colorful lights, waves to strangers and attempts at their own individual versions of kindness.

I love loving them and this time with them is something I can’t hit rewind on. So I’ll get up every time and love on them some more, even if it means I look a little haggard in the morning. That’s what the Botox is for anyway ;)

Thanks for coming by, you are so amazing. I hope you have the courage to start that thing, reach out to that person, apply for the job, go on the date, say yes, say no!, try again. Sometimes you have to lose to win again.

See you on the next one

kisses.