Coming Up For Air

She will be remembered as the lady who always coughed

I have slowly, and I mean slooowwwlllyy, been coming up for air over the last few days. I was sick last month with what I thought was a lil ol’ cold. That snowballed and I got absolutely walloped. I’m pretty sure I’m still a bit sick if I’m being completely transparent. Not with anything contagious, but just not fully 150%. I’m still coughing, I’m congested in the morning and the sinus headaches tend to come around bedtime. My body, partially recovered, has no choice but to adjust to the going ons of day-to-day life. The thing is, with kids, it’s not as if I can truly slow down. The work keeps going. Lunches still need to be packed, bodies need to be bathed, clothed and held, and bills still need to be paid. So lying down, relaxing, let alone just sitting still is just not a reality for me, for moms, for women! Not without a lot of help anyway. The mental load is still being replenished with checklists, deadlines, appointments, to-do’s, and general wonderings about what’s needed, what’s wanted, and what TikTok video made us laugh a little too much last night.

It’s been 2 weeks since I finished a round of antibiotics. It did eliminate the pain in my throat but I still felt pretty awful in the days after. I started to wonder whether I’d been given the right thing. I was restless and had to keep moving but the coughing and the sinus pain were so much. I went through a dozen videos on tapping, facial massage and sinus drainage tips to get some relief. Some of it helped, and others just left the area around my nose feeling bruised. I have lost about 78% of hearing ability in my left ear, despite trying to pop, level out or blow out whatever blockage is there. Maybe I had a strain of the ‘vid, who knows? 11 hours in the emergency room and no one tested me nor deemed it necessary.

Going back to work made me feel a lot better if I’m being honest. It was likely the act of getting dressed and putting myself together again that made me feel as if I was useful again and therefore on the road to recovery. It’s an ongoing race, really. I need to feel as if I’m contributing to the world. Gotta keep going, gotta keep talking, laughing, and making the most of it, when in reality, I’m likely doing too much, just enough and what the problem really is, is that I have to relearn the art of just existing without having several tasks on the go.

Halloween this year was a cold one. Heading out for school drop off on Tuesday morning, we could see our breath as we piled into the car and turned the heater up on blast. That day, I felt especially crummy and as much as I was looking forward to going trick-or-treating with Hudson, I was also DOG tired and would have chosen to sleep by 4 pm if I had the choice. The show must go on, of course, so I slapped on some concealer, my favourite blush of choice (at the moment), and carried on. By the time 7 pm rolled around, it was already so dark outside. Work went late for Corain, and I had to wrestle layers onto both of the kids before heading out into our neighbourhood to begin the door-knockings. I was extremely frustrated. Coughing constantly with my pockets filled with tissues, but Hudson was none the wiser and had an incredible time filling his bucket with treats and watching the other little ghouls and fairies walk by.

As I start to feel less like a zombie with tar in her lungs, it dawns on me how being down and out in this way takes a toll. October feels as if it was a blip. Almost completely wiped out from my year. We had plans to go to another pumpkin patch, I was looking forward to seeing a comedy show with a friend and having dinner out on at least one of those BEAUTIFUL October days we had in the city. NOPE. None of that was possible. Cancelled. Can’t do it. I’m sick. Not well. Gotta recover. Can’t drink. Still weak. Shouldn’t risk it. Too soon. Being sick is expensive, and not just in the sense that you can’t work and may lose out on income. It’s more than that. It costs you so much more than being healthy does. And trust me, there are multiple definitions/versions/perspectives of what ‘healthy’ is, I know. Not only does being ill rob you of feeling just physically GOOD, but it also takes you away from your daily routine, things that make you happy and inspired, and time with your kids, partner, friends, and yourself! Sigh. It costs man! It’s frustrating and kind of scary sometimes. I, personally, have never suffered from a chronic disease or a debilitating injury which I am so thankful for, but WHO KNOWS!? It could happen. I hope it never does, but damn. It makes me feel so grateful for my body and everything she does for me every single day, so I just want to get back to feeling amazing and doing whatever I need to do to stay there.

Anyway. That’s my update for you this week. Not much of a story or anything, but as I mentioned, I’m still coming back up and around. Here’s a quickfire list of some insignificant things I’ve been thinking about in between coughs.

1. Getting fringe, despite knowing it will annoy me. Like this.

2. Trousers and baggy T-shirts with neck mess jewelry.

3. This Basque cheesecake from Manita (I had it last week and it was delicious)

4. More finger tattoos.

5. These Lloyd hats

6. This overpriced lipgloss by Westman Atelier.

Catch you later babes.

kisses.