Everything Works Out Because Of Course It Does

I got laid!!…off

I got fired a few weeks ago.

Let go. Laid off. TERMINATED. Is that term not so intense?

What for? I wasn’t told. No reason was stated, no warning was given, and nothing more has been said in the days since.

Out of shame and feeling quite vulnerable, I felt a ton of hesitancy in sharing at all but gat dammit, if I’m going to write about my life experiences, then baby I’m going to W R I T E.

No, I won’t be going off on a vengeful tangent, at least not today. I will say though, it was very cathartic to do so in the presence of those I hold dear in the days that followed. While I did have many sweet experiences whilst there, the ending was quite sour. Recounting it, I screamed, I cursed, but mostly I laughed. Then, of course, I cried. I cry so much y’all, it’s crazy. Well, actually no, it isn’t crazy. We all need to cry more. It’s our body’s way of releasing stress and there’s no shame in it. I had been overwhelmed AS FUCK since before the month of March had even begun and it just continued to go downhill. We had just gone through a stressful move with two little ones, and now I was unemployed and suddenly forced to look at the calendar and think, “what now?”

Naturally, I went through the motions of thinking was it me?, it wasn’t. Well, maybe if I had just..nope. I was true to myself so I have no regrets, but it still hit me in the gut. It’s wildly expensive to live in this city, and I had already been taking a paycut so I immediately felt panicked. Looking back on when I wrote about taking this position last year, I can’t help but smile at the Kathleen who had no idea what and who she was going to encounter. Now that some time has passed, I can see the lesson, and I feel quite calm about it, despite the hurt and disappointment I initially felt. Now?

WELL! Now we hide chocolate eggs in colourful plastic eggs to hide around the living room for tiny hands to find. Now we sit in the spring sun on a Wednesday afternoon and get excited for what’s coming next. Now we get in touch with the friends we made and water those relationships. Now we stay up late on Friday nights and read an extra bedtime story. Now we send voice notes and take selfies again. Now we enroll in that course. Now we go for that walk. Now we alternate using the bananas sku with the apples sku when buying chicken breast at the grocery store. Now we listen to the uplifting podcasts. Now, and always, we trust in God/The Universe’s plan for us. Now we have faith that karmic debt will be paid. Now we learn to create permanent constructive changes in ourselves by experiencing the consequences of our choices. Now is beautiful and ugly and wonderful and difficult and I am relishing in it.

“Something brilliant will come.”

“It won’t be the same without you. Their loss is your gain”

“Your tenacity will pay off.”

“WTF? I’m coming over. With wine.”

My circle has been the most helpful in getting me to the other side, and while I still have quite a bit to personally unpack as I update my resume and think about where it is I see myself next, I’ve been trying to view this as a gift. Something just tells me that it’s all going to work out because of course it does, and maybe just maybe you need to read that too.

Once again, thank you for reading. I appreciate you SO much.

TTY next week ;)

Kisses