Less Bun, More Meat

(Re) Opening-Up, 2 Books In June!, Return Of The Bob, And Summer Shenanigans

I’ve decided to start off strong here and show you how I enjoy a glizzy almost every time I get one. This is an intimate thing here, as only those I’m closest with would have the privilege to, well, 1. Eat with me and 2. See me dismember a hot dog bun in this fashion with no shame or care for waste, reputation (lolz) or care in the world.

See, I want less bun, more meat. But I also still want the experience. I do like SOME bun, but the thing is there’s just entirely too much of it most of the time. I dress the glizzy up with the holy trinity; ketchup, mustard and relish of course. If there’s mayo at said establishment?, OH YEAH, that’s goin on there too, then when I’m in a safe place, I bite one end, and start working my way around, or I guess, in between the bun. I take a little bite of the bread here and there, which I make sure is coated in just enough of the above mentioned sauces, and start picking large pieces of it away from the dog. I continue this process until I’ve had my fill. There. We’re closer now.

Now that I’ve (re?) captivated your attention…..Hey…How y’all doin? I’ve missed you. Did you miss me? Are you looking at this email in your inbox right now with a side-eye?

Well, hush hush, I’m a mommy, and I just needed a little time. LOL, no, seriously, I’ve been overwhelmed as shit. I’ve been in and out of my drafts for weeks, and when I don’t write or express myself in some outward way, I eventually malfunction. So yeah, I’ve been doing just that. I may not notice it right away, but it’s a glitch under the surface causing me to feel irritable and bothered. Something hasn’t been quite right, and I’m restless with thoughts of everything and nothing, and now here I am with you.

I had a messed-up dream the other day, where I tore off a big chunk of my finger and my bottom lip while biting on the skin. It reminded me of that scene in ‘The Black Swan’, where Natalie Portman is in the mirror and rips off her hangnail. The thin skin tearing away, and the darkness of that scene still makes me cringe; I can’t even watch it. Of course, I looked up what my dream could have meant (please let me know if you also look up the meaning of your dreams), and it said that it can symbolize a loss of control, feeling overwhelmed, or anxiety about a situation. It could also mean a loss of direction or losing your grip. MY GRIP!

Well, damn.

I suppose being rejected or ghosted several times in a month by prospective employers could make me feel a bit anxious, I dunno. I did end up taking a bit of a break from applying, deciding to enjoy the days off between busy clinics at my part-time job. I took a nap on the couch after the morning rush. I went for long walks, I worked out and then sprawled on the couch with 4 scrambled eggs and chilli oil to myself. I smoked a joint, I bought myself new sunnies, I watched Curb Your Enthusiasm and John Wick on high volume, cussing and violence galore. I went for more longer walks. I started reading books again! And finishing them!

I read two books in June, and it has energized me in a way I didn’t know I needed. What’s better is that I’m on my way to finishing another 2 books this month, and I’m loving it. This also means that I’m extremely behind on Love Island, but God, I have missed turning pages and getting immersed in a world of characters and dramas that don’t belong to me. (though, Love Island does give me that same kinda deal, but different..more messy, haha)

The two books I read were ‘My Friends’, by Fredrik Backman and ‘Demon Copperhead’ by Barbara Kingsolver. Both of them were recommended to me via BookTok, but I liked Demon Copperhead’s storyline a whole lot more than the other, despite having a more difficult time getting used to Barbara’s writing style at the beginning. It follows the life of a young man through his many trials and tribulations of being put through the wringer of foster placement, opioid addiction, and just overall being dealt a bad hand.

‘My Friends’ was an easier read, following the life of a young woman who just so happens to also be an orphan who accidentally lands herself in a situation where she learns about a group of friends who, more than 25 years prior, had a summer together as kids that changed the trajectory of all of their lives, including hers.

There were a few moments where I was like, aww, but also, am I just a cynical person, or like do I not have the ability to believe that many of these scenarios would actually play out in real life the way that they’re written here?? Why is everyone losing their mind laughing at a not-even-that-funny joke? Are you really telling me that a homeless teenager, with not one dollar to her name, no family, no friends, no nothing, would give up an opportunity to a fortune, simply because?

Sorry for the mild spoiler…oops, guess I should have prefaced that paragraph with that….but I don’t know, man, if you’ve read it, please let me know what you think.

As a kid and young adult, I used to read, ALL. THE. TIME. I always had a book in hand, I loved going through the spines of the small books on the library shelves after school, taking in the smell of the thin brown paper, and looking at the image on the front to decide on whether or not I’d be taking that one home for the week. Funnily enough, that’s how I choose bottles of wine now.

Somewhere in my mid to late 20s, reading physical books didn’t seem to be a priority. Convenience and the newly minted iPhone in my hand took precedence. I would still read via the screen, tons of online articles, though not as much fiction as I would have, probably, enjoyed. Into The Gloss, Man Repeller, BuzzFeed and the random New York Times article based on something I found interesting based on the title. I wrote short stories via my Instagram captions to capture the mood I was in or a small encounter I had during the week. It was fun, and I cared about writing them, whether people read them or not.

Have you read any books that left you in a chokehold lately?

Did I even mention that I chopped my hair off? I went back to the FA Bob. I was losing too much hair, the body wasn’t there, it felt thin and icky, and this is just the cycle I put myself through every 2 years or so; it’s maddening. It grows, I love it, and then I’m sick of it, so I cut it off, but then I miss my long hair, so I grow it out again. I just need to feel something sometimes!

I will say, however, that my hair just really has not had the chance to get to the health it once was before having kids and losing some weight, so maybe, just maybe, this is my chance to finally achieve the length and beauty of Adele’s hair in this interview she did with Vogue 3 years ago, that I think about all the time. (Yeah yeah, I know she probably has extensions in, but still………)

Anyway, my bob and I have been enjoying the beginnings of summer, I got a new tattoo, and Toronto has been delivering very hot and humid days, with sunsets after 8 pm and a tougher time convincing the kids to go to bed. Hudson has been begging me to get my bike fixed so we can ride together, (it’s been parked outside of our condo since the winter and needs some major TLC) and we’ve already had one beach day together where I played with them in the sand, dipped our toes in the water and reapplied my SPF whilst reading under an umbrella. I danced at a margarita club for my friend’s birthday, and taught Stella hopscotch.

The winter feels so long and dreary that when the summer comes around, I feel like I need to plan out all of these things to make it as memorable as possible, not just for me, but for the kids, too! And honestly, that hasn’t changed, but I’m trying to savour the little experiences, because when I think about it, those are the things I remember most as a kid.

Do you have any exciting plans for the summer? Trips out of the country? Multiple beach days?, Or staying in all the most comfortable air-conditioned spots you can find because you can’t stand the heat? Let me know in the comments! :)

If you made it down here, thanks, babe!!! (I relate to Amaya from LI btw, in so many ways, but def in the sense that I lovingly call people babe, babes, girl, boo, etc ALL the time, IDGAF) All the Ace’s of the world can KICK ROCKS! LOSERRRRRRRRR!

If you aren’t subscribed yet, maybe think about it? It’s pretty super cool to support a small writer such as myself, you know? And you gotta admit, you won’t look at your next glizzy the same way.

If a monthly subscription doesn’t fit the bill, I also accept love, appreciation and tips in the form of caffeine. An iced oat latte, 4 shots, extra ice please, thank ya.

Catch you on the next one!

kisses