“How do I already have crumbs in here??”, I whisper to myself as I rummage through my purse looking for a hair tie. It’s 5:53 am and I’m a ponytail away from being downstairs at the gym and starting my workout. I finally find one of Stella’s pink ties in the corner underneath a stash of receipts and an empty discarded perfume sample.
I’ve been working out almost every day. Like I said I would. It’s been a complete mind shift, followed by physical follow-through. Motivation is fleeting, but once I made the decision - that things wouldn’t be the same anymore and really meant it, everything is changing. Slowly, but surely.
I set the alarm, I put on the workout clothes, I go. The days of the week have all felt the same to me. Mondays vs Fridays & Saturdays? Don’t know, don’t care. Heavy on the ME CORE right now, not gonna lie. I’ve been alternating strength training and low-impact cardio (aka walking), with a day off in between 3 or 4 days on. I’m not going crazy down there, but I’m getting down there consistently and it feels good. It’s my time and my time alone, which gives me a lot of mental clarity. Some days I walk and listen to a podcast, other days, I’ve been working on weighted squats, chest presses, and RDLs.
The temptation to mix the exercises up every time I get down there creeps up sometimes, but I’ve realized that sticking to a few sets and getting better at them takes a lot of pressure off myself. (I do have the intention of mastering Bulgarian split squats, however, because as mentioned before, I’m trying to build up this ass to juicy status).
I’ve been eating better, prioritizing protein, packing my lunches, snacking less, hydrating, and having less screen time so I can get better sleep, I mean, hello! I have been taking full advantage of this autumn wave.
Completing morning pages, aka journalling every single morning and filling out at least 3 pages every day has also completely changed the game for me. These pages aren’t filled with anything wildly inspiring by the way. It is quite literally a stream of consciousness on paper. I’m pretty sure I wrote, ‘omg, I am so tired right now I could pass out’, at least 3 times the other day. It’s a BRAIN DRAIN to relieve me of all of the subconscious thoughts that have filled my head from the day before.
I write about what I ate, the song I have stuck in my head, the TikTok video that made me laugh, along with bouts of just writing out how grateful I feel for what I have. I’ve journaled in the past, but something about doing it first thing in the morning has been nice. It sets me up for my workouts, for the day, etc.
I also had the weirdest and most intense dream which I ended up voice-noting my girlfriend about the next day because it was just so strange. It was like this dream had memories of its own built into it. There was this guy who looked like Dave Bautista in it, and this woman with feet shaped like skis…SO WEIRD. It was as if I was returning to this life that I had already known about from previous dreams, but I couldn’t tell you what those dreams were about because I have no recollection of any of them whatsoever. To be continued…..maybe.
After two weeks of SK, Hudson is back into the swing of things. Him going back to school also pushes me to get up earlier in the morning, and I love that energy. I am a morning person though, and always have been. I like my lazy slow days here and there, sure, but usually once I wake up, I’m ready to get going. I don’t like lolly gagging, or wondering eh, wha, huh, what’s happening kinda shit. I like routine, I like plans, I like some sort of structure. Even if the plan is only to go for a walk and get coffee - WELL….when? Which coffee shop? What vibe am I on? Am I putting waves in my hair, wearing jeans, messy bun, what? Let’s get going then, put your shoes on, let’s go!
Hudson also got a spot in before and after care for which we’ve been on the waitlist for about a year so that’s a huge relief. The news came unexpectedly one morning when Corain dropped him off and just so happened to be in the right place at the right time, which is funny because he was running behind that morning. The director came out to the playground and told him that a spot was open and that she’d send over the documentation shortly for us to fill out. We had just been talking about our alternating work schedules for one of us to complete drop off and or pick up on time, and BOOM, the universe gave us some breathing room.
Now I’m convinced (manifesting, believing, knowing), that it won’t be long until Stella gets a spot. I just feel like things are going to start falling in place for us, and so I want to keep that momentum going by being available and open to what’s meant for us. Again, I know, woo-woo shit, but bitch call me woo-woo Magoo if it gets me everything I need and desire in life.
Week 2 Of The Artist’s Way
*I started reading ‘The Artist’s Way’ by Julia Cameron, a popular (and controversial) book that talks and teaches creative beings about unblocking their creativity, spirituality, reconnecting with themselves, building confidence etc..There are 12 weeks in total that I’m dedicating myself to get through.
In a pinch, this week discusses self-definition, having personal boundaries, skepticism, and being wary of the people you keep around you. All in an attempt to unblock my own creativity.
‘Do not expect your blocked friends to applaud your recovery. That’s like expecting your best friends from the bar to celebrate your sobriety. You cannot afford their well-meaning doubts right now. Their doubts will reactivate your own.’
‘Perhaps the greatest barrier for any of us as we look for an expanded life is our own deeply held skepticism, our reluctance to take seriously the possibility that the universe just might be cooperating with our new and expanded plans. We’ve gotten brave enough to try recovery, but we don’t want the universe to really pay attention. We still feel too much like frauds to handle some success. When it comes, we want to go.’
Honestly, there were some brutal truths in this chapter. I was like, damn…I had never thought of things that way. I found myself recognizing the parts of me that tend to focus on my responsibilities to others before my responsibilities to myself. This comes as no surprise, of course, I’m a mom to two small kids who need me and they do come first in many regards, but when I push myself to the back burner, they end up taking losses too because my presence just isn’t as genuine as it could be if I had only taken the time to nurture myself.
Now when it comes to the tasks, because yes, this book does give you homework. I complete most of the tasks, especially the writing ones where I write out tiny changes I want to make in my day-to-day or write of imaginary lives, and people who have encouraged me. Where I have been feeling like a failure, is the Artist’s Dates. This book encourages you to take yourself out on a date once a week, whether that’s to an art gallery, a walk alone, treating yourself to something you’ve put off doing, etc. I knew it would be hard to do these dates when I started, but I didn’t want it to put me off. I didn’t take myself out on one this week but have rather tried to look at my hour and 15 minutes at the gym in the mornings as my date time. I’ve made a promise to myself to do better for week 3.
In between numerous boiled eggs and inclined walks, here are 3 things I’ve been taking in and liking :)
The Perfect Couple on Netflix.
Okay, wow I devoured this short series in 2 days whilst at work. It’s a whodunnit vibe and caught me off guard, I’m not going to lie. I usually know who did it right away. The cast is incredible, Liev Schrieber, Dakota Fanning, Eve Hewson, among others. Nicole Kidman played her tried and true rich white woman with a mysterious air about her…Is she capable of cold-blooded murder? Well, it would seem obvious, but yet….
This HONEY-THEMED Glow Spa Treatment ASMR video by Jocie B. I love ASMR, specifically beauty treatment/hair type of videos. My husband thinks it’s so weird, and I know it’s not for everyone but this shit fascinates me and helps me SLEEP. I highly suggest watching one and giving it a go. Headphones recommended for the best experience ;)
Billie EIlish. Yes, I’m still on a Billie kick and I’m not sorry about it. This song has been pumping me up and cooling me down and I cannot get enough of it.
That’s it, that’s all folks. How is your September going so far? Have you kick-started any new habits? Made any mental shifts, or just feeling the change in season feels?
If you loved this one, please hit that little heart for me and subscribe. It means so much to me and you mean so much to me!
You can also show me some love by way of an oat flat white by purchasing me a coffee right here :)
Til next week!
kisses
That collage goes HARD!!!!
You’re a legend. 💕 Sending so much hype your way.