Sometimes I Don't Want To Smile

Though I Did Smile While Writing This

Call it resting bitch face, wrinkle prevention or a feeling of indifference. Sometimes a mug is just gonna mug. There is a lot of fake smiling required when you’re a woman * insert major eye roll here * which is already annoying as all hell and reason enough to not smile for the sake of making others feel comfortable, but I digress…..

When you become a parent? Ay yi yi, it’s all the time. I promise I’m not complaining, I’m just reporting on my own experience. At every stranger your toddler says “hi!”, to, SMILE. The dog walker whose pooch sniffs at the stroller, SMILE. The hot moms in their matching Lulu sets at school drop off, SMILE. The other children playing with your children, SMILE. The nice ladies at church, the bus driver, the butcher, the baker, the oat latte maker, SMILEEE!. I mean hey, I’m happy to smile! Maybe we’ll have a short conversation, maybe we won’t, but my smile shows that I come in peace, I’m approachable and cool and my kids are nice too! LOL. Ridiculous.

I’m naturally more extroverted, so the smiling and small talk don’t phase me too much, but they do add up and can be tiring. Like most people, I have a guard of sorts up. I like to think of it as my shell to crack. Only the right kind of spirit can get in, and it’s mostly a feeling that’ll let me know that it’s safe to let the other person in.

If I sense the vibes are off, I’ll fool you into thinking I’m a nice little quiet lady just minding her business, unaware of the whims and whams of the world. “Look not on me sire, for I am but a lowly jester, hoping for a chance to see the duchess at the ball..” (I hope you read that in a poor English accent).

And I am a nice little quiet lady!, but I’m also gregarious, social and loud. I am a Sagittarius after all. IYKYK.

I love to talk, until I don’t. I genuinely find people to be quite interesting most of the time. I’d be the first one to tell those hot moms at drop off how amazing their asses look in those leggings, but other days?….as Ronald Isley said in ‘Busted’ (one of my favourite songs to sing along to),

“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

I just can’t be bothered. I could be having a very typical morning, nothing has gone awry, no spills in the car, I’ve had my coffee, found a top I want to wear, and no tantrums. I mean, damn, this actually sounds pretty bomb. But if my cup is near empty, or my social battery is low, anxiety is getting to me a bit, or I just don’t feel like raising these chubby cheeks to smile??? You just might be hit with the ol’ RBF.

I don’t feel bad about it. I used to. Now I know that sometimes I’m going to be short. Well, I’ll always be short, I’m 5 feet tall, but you know what I’m saying. It doesn’t mean I’m upset, it just means I’m in conservation mode right now. I don’t owe anyone a damn thing, and hey, neither do you.

It’s the acceptance and awareness of this for myself that allows me to hold grace for practically everyone else. It’s just hardly ever personal, so move on and keep smiling! (If you feel like it, of course).

That’s some sexy ass growth, wouldn’t you say?

---

3 Things That Have Been Making Me Smile (Genuinely)

1. Dina Ögon

   I’m still listening to Dina Ögon. I came upon this Swedish quartet last year and have repeatedly played all 3 of their albums when the mood strikes me. I can’t understand what they’re saying, but their voices with the melodies are so mellow and lovely. It always puts me in a good mood. Driving during golden hour to ‘Mormor’, which translates to 'Grandmother’ is SO good, I highly recommend it.

2. This perfume. ‘Skin’, by Clean Reserve is one I’ve had for about 6 months now, and I literally cannot go a day without spraying it on. It’s an amazing, well, skin scent, but also incredible for layering underneath other scents. It’s cozy, warm and fresh all at the same time, with notes of musk, praline and tonka bean - It’s also unisex! If you get a chance, give it a whiff :)

3. This TikTok video from Jaydanotpinkettsmith reminding us to share what we have gathering dust in the drafts folder. Share your light, we want to read it!

---

What made you smile last week? Let me know in the comments :)

---

Well, friends, we made it to the bottom of another one. Thanks for coming, I appreciate you. Tapping that heart means so much to me, and if you feel like this would resonate with your audience or a friend, please restack or share.

If you enjoy reading Extra Foam, please consider supporting me via a one-time-donation here, or by subscribing. I physically do a happy dance at every single new subscriber I receive, thank you thank you thank you all so much for your time and support.

kisses